For Better, For Worse

originally published in Sunday Life, February 2006

By Alex May

Madras-born restaurateurs Kumar Mahadevan, 46, and Suba Mahadevan, 39, had an arranged marriage in 1987, when Suba left India to live in Sydney with Kumar. They each work 70 hours a week in their two restaurants and have two sons Abhi, 17, and Aki, 14.

Suba says: “When our parents arranged for our marriage, the family astrologer told us we were compatible. Both of us believe this is the key to a good arranged marriage. He was a goat. I am a lion. If the horoscopes work, the marriage will work. I spoke to him on the phone before meeting him, and I was nervous but very happy to see him.

I had finished university where I studied business back in India when I agreed to marry him. When I found out I would marry a chef, I thought I would be lucky because the cooking would be easy. But he is often not home to cook. When we were first married, he criticised every little thing that I do. ‘This food’s not right. Do it this way.’ It’s natural for any chef to be a critic. I used to hate it. Now I like having his opinion. I want to make it more perfect and he gives good advice.

A traditional Indian wife would not like a husband to drink. In our religion, no-one eats meat or drinks alcohol. In the beginning I was puzzled by his drinking. Now I like to drink wine as well. I can’t eat meat though. Never. It is so chewy. It just seems wrong to eat flesh. I know it’s only psychological, but I can’t do it.

Everything with him is about food. He has a passion for it. He likes traditional food but he wants it to have a modern twist. When it came to marriage, he wanted the same thing: a traditional Indian wife but with a modern twist. I would be happy to have stayed at home but he doesn’t like a wife that is like that. He wants an educated wife, someone who can socialise with him, entertain with him. I run one of our restaurants and he runs the other, so when I finish up early I come to him and we might go out with people or just eat together in Chinatown.

He pushes me forward if I am shy and I like that about him. He likes to show me things and share his passions. He’s always making decisions quickly. One day he came home and told me to pack my bags, we are going to Europe. We will send the boys to your parents and have a holiday. I like that he does these things.

Kumar says: “I am very happy with the traditional arranged marriage – I had asked my parents to organise it. It worked for our parents and their parents. It took at least a year to get to know each other after the marriage. I am sure she wondered why I ate so many strange things and came home so late at night. Our parents were teetotallers and that’s what she would expect from a husband but I like fine wines. I think she was sure she had married an alcoholic.

We have a bond that is created after marriage rather than before. When my first son was born, that was truly the best day in my life. We didn’t even live on our own until the baby was three months old. My mother had lived with us the entire time of our marriage. She wanted to check Suba would be a good wife and that we would get to know each other well.

The whole world gets to appreciate my cooking, but not my wife. She won’t eat meat. We come from a religion where no-one drinks and everyone is vegetarian. The one thing I would change if I could is to have her eat meat and seafood. I managed to get her to drink good wine but meat – she won’t do it.

A chef does not earn a good wage and we struggled financially in the beginning. When Abhi was born, we did not even have a television. But we work very hard and Suba understands that.

Mentally, Suba is much stronger than me. We had a guy working for us who robbed us and I was shattered. We couldn’t afford to lose the $10,000 and I was so worried about how we would repay things. She would just tell me, ‘He has broken you financially, don’t let him break you emotionally. Move on.’ She’s very courageous and I have admiration for her. Hey, she puts up with me. I am lucky.”


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For Better, For Worse originally published in Sunday Life, February 2006 By Alex May Madras-born restaurateurs Kumar Mahadevan, 46, and Suba Mahadevan, 39, had an arranged marriage in 1987, when Suba left India to live in Sydney with Kumar. They each work 70 hours a week in their two restaurants and have two sons Abhi, 17, and Aki, 14. Suba says: “When our parents arranged for our marriage, the family astrologer told us we were compatible. Both of us believe this is the key to a good arranged marriage. He was a goat. I am a lion. If the horoscopes work, the marriage will work. I spoke to him on the phone before meeting him, and I was nervous but very happy to see him. I had finished university where I studied business back in India when I agreed to marry him. When I found out I would marry a chef, I thought I would be lucky because the cooking would be easy. But he is often not home to cook. When we were first married, he criticised every little thing that I do. ‘This food’s not right. Do it this way.’ It’s natural for any chef to be a critic. I used to hate it. Now I like having his opinion. I want to make it more perfect and he gives good advice. A traditional Indian wife would not like a husband to drink. In our religion, no-one eats meat or drinks alcohol. In the beginning I was puzzled by his drinking. Now I like to drink wine as well. I can’t eat meat though. Never. It is so chewy. It just seems wrong to eat flesh. I know it’s only psychological, but I can’t do it. Everything with him is about food. He has a passion for it. He likes traditional food but he wants it to have a modern twist. When it came to marriage, he wanted the same thing: a traditional Indian wife but with a modern twist. I would be happy to have stayed at home but he doesn’t like a wife that is like that. He wants an educated wife, someone who can socialise with him, entertain with him. I run one of our restaurants and he runs the other, so when I finish up early I come to him and we might go out with people or just eat together in Chinatown. He pushes me forward if I am shy and I like that about him. He likes to show me things and share his passions. He’s always making decisions quickly. One day he came home and told me to pack my bags, we are going to Europe. We will send the boys to your parents and have a holiday. I like that he does these things. Kumar says: “I am very happy with the traditional arranged marriage – I had asked my parents to organise it. It worked for our parents and their parents. It took at least a year to get to know each other after the marriage. I am sure she wondered why I ate so many strange things and came home so late at night. Our parents were teetotallers and that’s what she would expect from a husband but I like fine wines. I think she was sure she had married an alcoholic. We have a bond that is created after marriage rather than before. When my first son was born, that was truly the best day in my life. We didn’t even live on our own until the baby was three months old. My mother had lived with us the entire time of our marriage. She wanted to check Suba would be a good wife and that we would get to know each other well. The whole world gets to appreciate my cooking, but not my wife. She won’t eat meat. We come from a religion where no-one drinks and everyone is vegetarian. The one thing I would change if I could is to have her eat meat and seafood. I managed to get her to drink good wine but meat – she won’t do it. A chef does not earn a good wage and we struggled financially in the beginning. When Abhi was born, we did not even have a television. But we work very hard and Suba understands that. Mentally, Suba is much stronger than me. We had a guy working for us who robbed us and I was shattered. We couldn’t afford to lose the $10,000 and I was so worried about how we would repay things. She would just tell me, ‘He has broken you financially, don’t let him break you emotionally. Move on.’ She’s very courageous and I have admiration for her. Hey, she puts up with me. I am lucky.”